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I'm Not Okay



I'm Not Okay

Remember the chair you admired in the basement 6 years ago,
the one below the pipes. 
You would imagine kicking it over,
out of fear--anger. 

Yeah, I'm thinking about it now.

Remember that tool you stole from the art room,
the one you took with you everywhere. 
That one that was always there to listen to you,
the one that reminded you that you were still alive...physically,
that everything was really happening.

Yeah, I wish I never threw it away

Remember feeling like nothing was ever good enough!
When no one understood you! 
When it took hours to talk about how you felt, and seconds to write that feeling down.

Yeah, I feel the same way now.

Remember beating these thoughts on your own?

Just now?

I'm Okay.

-Belle Rose



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2009-2010

"You tore me apart, just look at my scars. Your clouds and hatred covered my bright stars." -Belle Rose 

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Emotionally unintelligent, unsympathetic and cruel. Self destructive, dangerous monster, definition of a fool.  Unstable, insecure, and child-like, full of unbearable traits. An untreatable virus, infection, Bitch, holding you down like weights.  Defensive, insane and manipulative, distorting reality.  Selfish, conversations unproductive, immature, too care-free.  I made a mistake, now I am immoral, fist down, I learned not to fight.  I'm an asshole, a terrible person, don't fret, you are, again, right.  -Belle Rose 

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Alone This has happened before, fighting on my own. Self-hatred and sadness, thin marks, and bruised bone. The urges still haunt me, I see red and relief  The pain still controls me, that old friend, a thief. Stealing my sanity, my strength, my progress My brush needs a canvas ,I'll gently  caress  I have missed you, master,  the love you have shown. Convincing and charming, making me feel alone. Belle Rose