I Have A Secret,

Stay up for hours, I'll thank the front of my brain.  Thoughts run through my mind, trying to prove I'm insane.  Resisting the urge, to cut away the bad feeling.  Addiction stays put, erasing hard work and healing.  I have good outlets, but I still count on the blade,  to beat the sadness, because to tell, I'm afraid.  I'll be asked questions, "How does hurting help your pain?" But the good news is, I'm connected to a chain.  I can't run too far, bad thoughts will go down the drain.  I open the bottle, the relief I will collect.  Swallow my worries, a wonderful side effect.  -Belle Rose 

Emotionally unintelligent, unsympathetic and cruel. Self destructive, dangerous monster, definition of a fool.  Unstable, insecure, and child-like, full of unbearable traits. An untreatable virus, infection, Bitch, holding you down like weights.  Defensive, insane and manipulative, distorting reality.  Selfish, conversations unproductive, immature, too care-free.  I made a mistake, now I am immoral, fist down, I learned not to fight.  I'm an asshole, a terrible person, don't fret, you are, again, right.  -Belle Rose 

I'm only writing because I have an urge. And all of these feelings, I will have to submerge. From the guilt after, telling someone my pain. The embarrassment, of my my borderline brain. The insecure lies, my anxiety finds. The weak side of me, reattached to their minds. When I'm all alone, those caring voices sink Today I'll save me, It's better done in ink. -Belle Rose

I peak outside, my nose touches the glass, cold, but needed, pain is felt like mowed grass-- smooth, but messy, torn apart, scattered bits cloudy and damp, my hopeless mind submits.  But the clouds part, the sun fights to be seen.  I see a streak, on the other side, green. Warm and happy, floating, oddly impressed. Then the clouds appear, shadows, feelings suppressed. Cover the glass, pain and darkness will start. Guarding the sun, guarding my fragile heart.  -Belle Rose 

I hope your heart, will spin out of control Dizzy and sick, falling in a deep hole. Deep in sadness, always never enough Losing your worth, not a diamond, but rough.  I hope you cry, until your brown eyes close Dream then wake up, by a thorn of a rose. Smile all day, then feel low when alone Hear one song, then feel the cuts that were sown. Smell memories, of fresh cookies and love vanilla, fruit, or all of the above.  But most of all, I pray that you can heal My broken heart does not want you to feel... How I feel.  -Belle Rose 

Alone This has happened before, fighting on my own. Self-hatred and sadness, thin marks, and bruised bone. The urges still haunt me, I see red and relief  The pain still controls me, that old friend, a thief. Stealing my sanity, my strength, my progress My brush needs a canvas ,I'll gently  caress  I have missed you, master,  the love you have shown. Convincing and charming, making me feel alone. Belle Rose