Diary Entry: 11/17/08

"I Must Not Tell Lies"

I cannot count how many lies I've told:

"I'm Fine."

"I'm just tired."

" He treats me well."

I cannot keep everything a secret.

Lies will only lead to more sadness.

I will have too many secrets bottled up and I will never recover.

Recovery?

Interesting word.

I'm getting better, but when will the pain be completely gone.

"I'm not sad"

"I don't care if people call me ugly."

I'll get home. Look in the mirror.

First word that comes to mind:

Ugly.

I think about the day,

I don't remember being happy.

More lies.

" I always wear this wristband."

"I get cold easily, so I like to wear sweatshirts."

I'm making this obvious...

It's hard not to..

right?

Hopefully I'll get better at hiding it.

Or better, just stop.

The biggest lie I've ever told:

"I would never cut myself"

The look on his face.

Heartbreaking.

His words:

"No, she wouldn't do that...would you?"

I tell him my secret.

Not a secret anymore, but it is safe with him

I'm trying hard not to do this.

I'll repeat that moment in my head.

I'll write his name on my legs and wrists.

I don't want to hurt him anymore.

"I must not tell lies"

-Belle Rose

Comments

Ink

I'm only writing because I have an urge. And all of these feelings, I will have to submerge. From the guilt after, telling someone my pain. The embarrassment, of my my borderline brain. The insecure lies, my anxiety finds. The weak side of me, reattached to their minds. When I'm all alone, those caring voices sink Today I'll save me, It's better done in ink. -Belle Rose

2009-2010

"You tore me apart, just look at my scars. Your clouds and hatred covered my bright stars." -Belle Rose

Hug

Hand over my mouth, your face didn’t like what I said. Sorry,just kidding, I’ll punish myself instead. I went way too far, I didn’t put on my filter. I’m just being me, tear me down like a twister. Destroy my shelter, I don’t like the real me. I'll apologize , quickly, energetically. You call me awful, give my heart a great tug. Forget you, I’m done, I’ll give myself a big hug. -Belle Rose

I Have A Secret,

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