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Diary Entry: 11/17/08


"I Must Not Tell Lies"
I cannot count how many lies I've told:
"I'm Fine."
"I'm just tired."
" He treats me well."

I cannot keep everything a secret. 
Lies will only lead to more sadness.
I will have too many secrets bottled up and I will never recover.
Recovery?
Interesting word. 
I'm getting better, but when will the pain be completely gone.

"I'm not sad"
"I don't care if people call me ugly."

I'll get home. Look in the mirror. 
First word that comes to mind:
Ugly. 
I think about the day, 
I don't remember being happy.
More lies.

" I always wear this wristband."
"I get cold easily, so I like to wear sweatshirts."
I'm making this obvious...
It's hard not to..
right?
Hopefully I'll get better at hiding it.
Or better, just stop. 

The biggest lie I've ever told:

"I would never cut myself"

The look on his face.
Heartbreaking.

His words:
"No, she wouldn't do that...would you?"
I tell him my secret.
Not a secret anymore, but it is safe with him

I'm trying hard not to do this.
I'll  repeat that moment in my head.
I'll write his name on my legs and wrists.
I don't want to hurt him anymore.

"I must not tell lies"

-Belle Rose

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